Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
