FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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