your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
