I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
