we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
