My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I want a musical about memes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize