She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
