I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
