I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
