he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
