What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
