Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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