If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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