So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
