Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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