normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
