so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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