Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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