best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
