dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
