He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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