its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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