Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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