Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
