I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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