Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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