Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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