what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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