Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My penis needs a shock collar
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
