I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize