You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
