i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
