you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
