Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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