All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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