We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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