bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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