I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
