I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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