You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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