why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
