Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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