You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
