there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
