The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Are we still banned from the library?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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