If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
