why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
