She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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