The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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