I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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