I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
