He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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