A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
