if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
