Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
