I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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