I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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