I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
