i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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