Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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