i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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