KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
