Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
