You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
