last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
