How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
