I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
