I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
