umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
