You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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