Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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