I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize