it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
