we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
