There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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