I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
