How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize