i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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