so explain again why im purple
no
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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