How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sorry about my life...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
