Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
