ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
