i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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