Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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