I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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