I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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