Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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