Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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